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| Simplify Me
Make me easy to see
Help me to understand all that I need to be
true
True to my feelings and understanding my heart
the desires a-part from the feeling that consumes
the hopelessness that comes that
mainfests itself in a foolish manner
Help me by giving
sympathy to what I am and mercy
to what I don't
don't want to give in to all that is
with-in my body as my feet
keep moving toward the destination that is
love
Confusion takes all that I am
foolish and clumsy falling over
over to a side of me that makes no sense
nonsense i can stop these emotions can't I?
can I? stop myself from going this direction
prevent the hope I build in my heart
is this indigestion
no it's those "un papillon" that flutter about
Take me out
fill me up and help me to receive
help me to conceive what it is that I need
to grow so that I may be a man
destined for giving glory
honoring what i can with what is before me
I am not ready. I am too complex. I pretend to be more than what I am. In the end though... if you could simplify me. Would you still say that you could love me? | | |
| I love harominizing to music. It's a feeling that I feel like God has gifted me with. When I harmonize I feel like I'm in another world. I feel absorbed in song and I feel like I'm a part of something bigger than myself.
I guess love is harmony too. It's the coming together of two different things into one. Two unique sounds each beautiful on their own becoming one magnificent entity. I wonder if this is why people are always looking for the perfect person in their life.
I remember that my view on love was that anyone can potentially date anybody. It's what we make of those relationships that really determine the end result. But looking at it now, it's hard to say if I truly believe what I once thought. Looking for those certain qualities in someone adds so much to the timbre of the relationship. Composing a symphony of events with an ultimate unification of harmonies.
While my class is running around looking for their equivalent resonating note, I feel as though I'm standing here not even playing mine. I'm lacking in so many directions that I feel like it would be impossible for me to find my harmony. Focus on the inside and then go outwards. Fix who I am and then pursue the next step. How can I possibly take care of someone else if I can't take care of myself... right? But then I start to think "will I ever be ready?" I don't think anyone is ever ready. So if even I think about it like that, am I just making an excuse?
Regardless of the situation, I guess it's more so the fact that I feel like my world is moving forward. I'm staying behind and the truth is that I have to keep going and finish the previous chapter in my life. Seeing all the moving and rush is making me feel like I have to go. I want to take my time, I want to stay here and just talk. I want to know who you are. I want to know who I am. I want simple...
Let's take our time. | | |
| This weekend has been filled from one blessing to another. But it's funny because beyond all that today was special. In truth, everyday is special. God gives us one more day to make a difference and maybe change who we are.
Church was fairly small today. All the penn kids had spring break so it was a smaller crowd. Regardless, I feel like when service is smaller in some sense it seems more intimate. The feel of today was very simple and pleasant. Nothing too hectic and logistically things went well.
Then I saw Caleb. Caleb is Pastor Barry's son and perhaps my favorite kid. I heard that during the service he didn't behave well and that he was a bit grouchy. Eventually he started running around during fellowship after service and he seemed pretty happy again. But like any child, he came to a point where he started looking for Mom and Dad. We both walked into the sanctuary to find it fairly empty. This was when I knew that I loved this kid...
I looked down at him and said "Caleb, let's go look for your Mom." and Caleb looked at me with his arms stretched out to me. I picked him up and then he looked at me while I was holding him in my arm. I looked at him and he said "JP, you're best friend forever." Haha what could I do but break out in a smile and hug this little boy?
I don't do enough for Caleb for him to tell me this. I don't hang out with him on my spare time, I'm not always patient with him, I've made him cry, he's been upset with me, and in the end he's just a kid right?
But what's funny is that this is my naive mind. I look to God and say the same to him. "God, you're my best friend forever." But in the end he probably looks down and chuckles telling himself you don't understand love yet. In the end, even when Caleb says things, it makes me love him more, it makes me want to invest in this kids life to see him grow up to be a man.
What a day... haha my best friend is a three year old. | | |
| I like windy days a lot. Some people don't like them but days like today make me smile. I can't help but just think about how much I love the wind.
I thought to myself why I love the wind so much and lots of reasons come into mind. One that is very simple is the sensation of wind against my skin. A sensation of something being there but not really something we can physically touch. Also, this sort of goes with the sensation of flying. I'm pretty sure that if we were able to fly, this is the sort of feeling we would have as we go through the air.
Then I thought about it more, and said maybe there's another deeper meaning, something that sparks my deeper thoughts. As I analyzed what it was that makes me feel so good about windy days, it sort of hit me. I like windy days because of God.
So what do I mean by "because of God?" I look around my life and it's pretty hard to live a life that is unnoticeable at my size. People tend to think I'm a bigger person and some even treat me in such a way. But when wind's like today blow in my life, it makes me feel like a kid. Feeling the push of the wind all around me. Things don't often move me (not emotionally I mean physically), and days like today, the wind moves me. I think it's God's funny way of telling me that you're still my kid. There are things I will do to move you and to show you that I am still your father. I realize that I love God because through simple things like wind, he helps me to see his funny love.
God is bigger than me and I'm glad he is. 
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| Yesterday I was sitting in History class. One of the classes I dread the most but, I have a great sense of respect for the teacher. However, this is besides the point.
There is this girl in class that I've seen before. Very light blonde hair, cute, nothing extraordinarily different that sets her apart. On this particular day however, I was late so I walked in as silently as I could and I ended up sitting next to this girl.As I started taking notes, I noticed this movement from the corner of my eye. At first I did my best to ignore it and pay attention to the teacher. Soon my curiosity got the best of me and I looked at the girl.
Then, there she was. A girl I don't know, making my day. She was bobbing like a champ. What is bobbing? It is the act of struggling to keep awake in a class. For the whole hour and 25 minutes I was in class, she was bobbing. It was amazing as to how hard she kept struggling to stay awake. But... this was only the beginning.
I noticed that she had a whole page of notes on her notepad. This was extremely impressive considering the fact that she was bobbing. I peeked over as she was bobbing and noticed the writing. What I saw next, forced me to hold in my laughter. She had written a whole page of notes in scribble. I could clearly see the parts where she was awake and then see when she started bobbing. It was incredible! I have never seen a person in my whole life writing notes as they were bobbing. Here is an example of what she would have written.
United St~~~~ 1984 was a~~~ date whe~~~~ in the~~ f~~~~
It was incredible... I could only make out a fraction of the notes I saw on the chalkboard.
So as the class was coming to an end, my newly found amusement had basically passed out with her head to the side inches away from my shoulder. Awkward and uncomfortable, I still wanted to say something to her and her interesting habit. However, I didn't know what to say and I just wanted to chuckle to myself. As soon as class ended her head slowly came up and she started to pack her things. I gained enough courage to say two words "That's cute." She looked at me and said "what?" I pointed at her notes and I said "I thought that was..." she cut me off and said "SHHHH!!!" I was taken back and felt as though I said something wrong. Then as I looked at her she smiled and gave a soft laugh/chuckle and we both left the classroom.
Haha... such simple days we live in. As I think to myself, maybe I should compliment people more often. The world around us is so sad. We all deserve a compliment from a stranger time to time... 
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